My Dreams

"Clear and sweet is my soul, and clear and sweet is all that
is not my soul.
Lack one lacks both, and the unseen is proved by the seen,...
Walt Whitman from Song of Myself

My Dreams:

This web site is an extension of me, Silvana. I am puzzled and delighted by my dreams, and I dream all the time. It is a rare night that I don't remember any of my dreams. They can be happy, joyful, fun, sexy, sad, frightening, lucid, evil, psychotic, totally nonsensical, spiritual, prophetic, confusing, and at times I also have nightmares.
Dreams entertain me during the night and when I take the time to understand them they enrich me psychologically and spiritually. Through them I get a glimpse into my unconscious mind, and to me this is really exciting. The more I study dreams the more I learn how complex and BIG we really are.

2/21/99

I wrote this the last time I made an entry on this page and I think that it should be a permanent statement: Much time has passed, and this particular spot of the web site seems to get the least amount of my attention. I have no idea how many of you take the time to read my dreams, but the masses are constantly "beating" on my door and other things seem to be a priority. Time passes very quickly and there is only so much that an ordinary person can do in a single day (or a single life time).

The Devils are Back

One of the most consistent and persistent themes in my dreams have to do with confronting monsters and devils. Most of the times the devil in my dreams feels like Lucifer. The original devil. The devil that a girl raised in a Catholic way would instantly recognize and identify. I will describe two of my most recent devil dreams. I learned a lot from both and yesterday I gained new insight into these dreams.

Dream # 1
I was with my mother looking at a house. It did not look like my house, but in the dream it was my personal dwelling place. The house was small and typical for the inner city. It was located underneath an elevated train track and it had a metal fence around it. My mother and I knew that the evil one lived there (that is the way that I thought of him in the dream). He was the devil and he occupied my house and imprisoned all of my loved ones. My children were there, as were others whom I loved.

My mother told me that we had to get into the house and get everyone out. That we needed to rescue them because they were trapped and in danger. I didn't want to go inside because I was afraid. She didn't care about my fear and she lead the way through the gate, up the stairs and to the front door. She kicked the door in. It came apart easily and I was surprised. I quickly realized that the door was easy to break because there was a raging fire inside of the house.
It was something like hell as portrayed in old books. The fire was very large and all consuming, but somehow there was no smoke. I remember thinking how the house was still completely intact and how you could not tell from the outside that there was a fire burning on the inside.

I knew that the devil was upstairs sleeping and that I need to locate and quickly rescue my loved ones. I walked through the fire and found them all gathered and standing closely together in the left rear of the house, which was the kitchen. My children were there as was a great uncle that passed away several years ago. There were strangers in that group, but in the dream I knew them and they were close to me.
I lead the group out the side door which was conveniently located in the kitchen. They followed me along a narrow walkway around the house. We were on the side of the house now and needed to get to the front so that we could get out of the gate. There was a bus waiting for us underneath the elevated train track (I think that my mother and I arrived at the house with the bus and with the intent of getting everyone on it once we rescued them. My mother did not enter the house with me and she was waiting for us on the street.) We walked along the side of the house and needed to get past a metal gate that had a unlocked chain around it. As I rattled the chain to open the gate, I knew that I woke up the evil one.

I told everyone to hurry and to get to the street in front of the house. We all managed to get out of the small narrow yard. They were all standing to one side and behind me. The devil was standing in front of the bus and he told us that he would not let us escape. My mother told me that the only thing to do was to destroy him. That I had no choice but to fight with him and to kill him.
I didn't think that he would hurt the kids, somehow I thought that they were safe. The devil had very interesting weapons around him and one was in his hand. The weapon in his hand looked very strange as though it came out of a Mad Max movie. It was almost phallic and looked like a very long chainsaw. He began to attack me and I did all I could to fight. I also grabbed one of the strange weapons, but he managed to knock it out of my hand. My mother threw another weapon my way and I tried to continue to fight. I was loosing and thought that it was the end of me. All he needed to do was to strike the final blow.To my surprise my daughter jumped and started to fight with him. She attacked him with her hands and seemed to be hurting him. He managed to knock her down and I was afraid that he would kill her.

At this time I was a spectator and could not move to help my daughter. My son jumped in. He kicked the devil and knocked him down. My son also got injured by one of the strange weapons, but then he managed to get up and kick the devil again. My children destroyed the Evil for me. At this time I woke up startled. The dream was over.

(this dream looks longer than I expected it to, I will continue with the other dream and the explanation shortly)

10/25/98

The following dreams have been "hanging around" my computer desk for months. I have been meaning to record them, so here they are.

Church Dream

It's raining, a cool and refreshing rain. There are huge leaks in the house. The water is coming down a wall in sheets and there is no way to stop it or to collect it. The water is coming down on the wall that connects the front porch and rest of the house. The next door neighbor has the same problem. We hire somebody that comes and detaches the small roof of the front porch and takes it away to fix it. We are very happy because the problem is finally going to be fixed.

Next-- the dream changes and I am in my old church back home in Lukoran, Croatia. Everyone went in through the side door on the right side of the church. On that side there are two small alters and several pews for people to sit in. There are speakers in the church, but they are not Catholic. They are from an entirely different religion, but seem to have been welcomed and invited to speak. They started to tell the congregation about their wonderful religion and about the Holy Spirit. I remember seeing people from many different cultures sitting and listening. They were dressed in their native costumes and were very attentive to the lecture being given. The colors of their costumes were very interesting to me. I remember thinking how odd it was for all of these different nationalities to be gathered in my church in Lukoran (during my childhood, the population was about 300 and there were no foreigners).
I know that I was eventually going to have to get up and speak. I was very frightened at the thought of talking in front of these people and in MY church; as thought it was sacrilege to talk about my religious ideas and beliefs. I woke up before it was my turn to speak.

Symbols to consider and look up in the dream dictionary:
church
strangers
God
roof
leaking
water
raining
house

Emotions in the dream:
Upon awakening I felt as thought this dream was important for me to understand.
Initially , I felt a sense of anxiety and amazement because of what had gone on in my house (water profusely leaking into the house), and in the church (many strange people from all parts of the world gathered and I was one of the scheduled speakers).
The first problem in the dream was solved; we found someone who could fix the leaking and I felt a sense of relief and gratitude.
In the second part of the dream I felt fear and amazement. I was fascinated by what was going on, but at the same time was reluctant to get up and "expose" myself by talking. I felt as though I was going to expose myself in some way and was not sure if that was the right time.

My personal free associations to some of the symbols and content of the dream, and a simple dream interpretation:
For several months there was a leak in my son's room. It took many attempts to fix the leak adequately. It was most annoying to me, and at the time of the dream, the water damage and the ugliness of the mess seemed to never end.
Water in dreams usually represents our emotions and our unconscious. One of the most emotional concerns in a persons life are their children. Their intensity and emotionality at times "rains" down upon us, relentlessly. To me this dream was about my attachment to my children. They are both strong willed teenagers who are most definitely making attempts to detach from me and to become independent. I don't always want to let go, because psychologically speaking they are an intact part of me.
In a dream a house represents ourselves. In my dream the front porch area represented my son and the emotional involved with him detaching from me. The dream had a positive message, because even though at times leaks cause serious damage, the leak in the dream did not. The roof was detached and permanently fixed. This dream was reassuring to me. It bought up my concerns, but then it assured me that the detachment will be a positive thing. All of the feelings that have ruled the house have not caused serious damage, to me nor to him, and the end result or repair is beautiful and long lasting.
The other part of the dream seems to be pointing out some of my spiritual dilemmas. I was raised a Catholic. The small village that I grew up in offered no diversity, but I had many wonderful spiritual experiences as a child. I loved that old church and everything about that place. There were no cars, no roads or even a telephone, but one never misses what one never has. The church was a fundamental part of our lives and early experiences. The church bells rang regularly every day, not only to remind us of the time, but also to remind us of God. That church holds many wonderful memories for me, and evokes very deep and profound emotions.
Although, I have never left the Catholic Church, my current spiritual beliefs are somewhat different. I guess I have added to what I have learned as a child. I have added to, and maybe even twisted my old beliefs. I don't feel guilty about this, but I do need to express my beliefs more freely. I need to speak on my own behalf in front of my family and anyone else that asks. Let me take that back -- I guess that I do feel some guilt and uncertainty about my spiritual beliefs, and the dream pointed that out. This dream may be about other things as well, but I rather not get into it. My life long quest is about self discovery and inner truths. This is one of the reasons behind the web site and dreams. Dreams take us to those parts of ourselves that are otherwise out of reach. Dreams help us to illuminate our minds and obtain greater awareness, not only about ourselves, but also about the nature of all things.

8/15/98

I have not posted a dream in almost three months and I want to explain some of the reasons why. My mother underwent hip replacement surgery, which kept me very busy. Additionally, I was teaching a summer program, which ended yesterday. Given these circumstances, along with my regular responsibilities, I have been unable to devote an adequate amount of time to this page.

Things seem to be clearing up and I hope to be writing new materials for the entire web site, and rewriting some of the existing materials. My dream life has not been very satisfactory in the last few months. I had approximately five significant dreams, and I will share one or two of them with you. Generally however, I have been able to remember only dream fragments and have been feeling somewhat frustrated with the scarcity of unconscious materials coming to the surface.

Last night's dream fragment:
One thing that I noticed by keeping a track of my dreams, is that I often have "monster" dreams. My dangerous unconscious materials, or negativity that exists around me seem to materialize in my dreams as monsters. This may be due to the folklore that I grew up with. My mother and grandfather always told stories of monsters. I loved those stories and I always knew that the hero was going to slay the dragon, or kill the evil monster. In my dreams the ending is often different. At times the monster is made powerless, but at other times it is not. For example:

In my dream I was accompanied by people that are very close to me. Not family, but individuals that are very important to me. There was much unhappiness and we were traveling along a river. The river was hot and dangerous. All of the suddenly there appeared a giant monster. It was deep red in color and looked like a cross between a lobster and a scorpion.
The monster was not deep in the water, but rather floating and moving on its surface, like a ship would. I was frightened and didn't see any way to get around this thing, but thought that maybe we should just stay away from it. We knew that is was very hostile and that if we got in its way it was going to destroy us. It wanted to destroy us.
We were behind it and it was a very, very huge and frightening sight, and there was no way to make progress up the river with its enormous body in the way. My friend decided to attack with a small weapon which looked something like a spear. I laughed and said that it would be useless and that the monster would just be more annoyed. However, for a few minutes the blow to its abdomen appeared to work, and it looked as though the monster was going to die. Unfortunately, this was not so. The hit to the abdomen appeared to have released baby monsters. They were small, but looked exactly like their mother. I told my friend that although they were monsters, they were simply to small to destroy. I said "what are we going to do now with these things, we can't kill them". I was really afraid and felt very powerless and disturbed. The emotions were so strong that I abruptly awoke from this nightmare.

Symbols to consider and look up in the dream dictionary:
monster; water; river; fighting; fear; babies; people
This dream is to personal for me to interpret. After all, those that I was dreaming about read this page regularly, and it would be easy for them to make connections regardless of how vague I am in the analysis.
By remembering and recording this dream fragment, I was able to identify my own feelings and perceptions in regard to a current issue in my life. This is exactly one of the very valuable reasons why we dream and why we should pay attention to them. Being very clear about my perceptions will encourage me to act wisely and to proceed with caution in regard to a certain situation in my life.

Flying into a black hole -- 4/21/98

I was in a large house with many kids. There were many girls around and I was fixing their beds. The rooms were clean, but full. In the next scene I was out side of the house. I walked some 30 feet in front of the house, and I suddenly stopped. I almost fell off a cliff. I fell to my knees from fear and I realized that I was on a small mountain top and that a deep valley was beneath me.

The colors of the mountain and the valley were brown and beige. The scene was somewhat barren, as though it was the end of fall, or the very beginning of spring. (Right before or right after the winter.) As I was kneeling on the ground, overcome by fear, a voice told me not to be afraid and to fly. That voice belonged to an unknown person who asked me to fly with him. We flew over the valley and it was beautiful. The man told me to look around and to see where I was. There were larger and higher mountains around me, but there were many, many things bellow. The valley had a town and churches, and the view was vast and beautiful.

After a while my friend asked me to fly alone. I did and I like it, and I felt as though I was in control of my movement. However, as I turned to the right of the mountain I realized that there was a huge black hole in the sky and that I was flying into it. I felt incredible fear and I thought that, that was the end of me. I heard my friend talking to me from a distance. He told me that the black hole was an illusion which I created for myself. That there was nothing to fear, to trust and to fly. My fear lessened, and I realized that the black hole was not real, I could see through it, and could see the valley beneath it. I woke up before the black hole completely disappeared.

Symbols to consider and look up in the dream dictionary:
cliff
flying
fear
black
mountain
beds
children

My personal free associations to some of the symbols and content in the dream:
This dream vas very significant to me spiritually. When interpreting it my psychological and scientific knowledge was incorporated into a wider belief system.
I believe that the world of science and spirituality exist on the same continuum. They are only separated by thoughts, and limited human visions and experiences. As our consciousness increases, so will our understanding and acceptance of the continuum which the physical world of our senses, shares with soul energy and the "fluid quantum soup" (Chopra) which is our only reality.

However, for the benefit of showing you the psychological process, some of my associations are:
I usually have many children in my house, and am forever cleaning up after them. I fix the beds before leaving the house in the morning, and I think that a neat living space is helpful in maintaining a neat psychological space.
I love mountains and high elevations, but when I go there, I am initially always afraid. My knees feel funny as I look over a deep, wide valley.
As the dream progressed, it changed into a lucid dream. I was able to navigate my flight and had control of action.
Spiritually, I believe that at times we are guided and that important messages "come up" from the unconscious mind, or our soul experience.

What this dream means to me:
This dream was a very significant spiritual experience for me. It empowered me and made me feel deep optimism and hopefulness. It reassured me that my hard work has paid off. It showed me that even though I have a long way to go, I am in the middle of my journey rather than at the very beginning of it.

Monster dream --3/14/98

I was in my childhood home, and me and my son were on the second floor of the house. We were prisoners of two very strange and frightening monsters. They had human bodies and monster heads. I thought that they were some kind of demons from another dimension. I was very frightened, and I told my son to do everything that they asked him to do. I thought that our imprisonment was temporary, and even thought I was really scared I thought that it was all going to end soon.
The monsters had their head and face covered with white hair. The main one, the one that watched us all of the time, had a very large, white, rhino-like horn in the middle of his forehead. I remember thinking that the horn gave him power and made him the monster that he was.
This dream was a nightmare. Very dark and sketchy. I don't remember most of the details or the sequence of events. At one point in the dream, I remember pulling the monsters horn right out of his head. There was a large, bleeding hole in his head, as I held the horn in my hand. Somehow he didn't seem to mind and was just surprised.
The dream was very disturbing and I woke up. As I was coming out of this dream, I remember feeling repulsed and scared.

Symbols to consider and look up in the dream dictionary:
monsters
demon or devil
blood
fear
prisoner

My personal free associations to some of the symbols and content in the dream:
I grew up in a very superstitious culture and with very superstitious people. Ghosts, monsters, and evil spirits were real entities in my young mind. If there were strange noises in the house, my mother assumed that it was a ghost, rather then the wind.
Negativity has always had masculine energy. I don't know if this is because I am a woman, and I would just naturally be inclined to believe that negativity is the opposite of me, or if I was thought to believe that. Throughout my life, there have been occasions where I have felt oppressed in my relationships with certain men.

What this dream means to me:
This dream was extremely frightening and I woke up with the feelings of anxiety and confusion. I wrote the dream down and started to think about its symbolism and value. At a first glance this dream could be easily interpreted in a Freudian context. The horn could be a phallic symbol, which for some reason I feared. It also gave the demon its power over me. The ripping out of the horn and having the monster become powerless, could symbolize my ability to "castrate" men and deem them powerless over me. The blood in this dream, was a symbol of closure. Once the deed is done, it is done forever. That monster will never again have its horn, or any power over me.

As I pondered the above explanation, I had a gut feeling that even if it has some validity, it was not the whole picture. This dream was vivid and very powerful, and from experience I know that dreams have more to do with ourselves..our own power...than with others. The demon in the dream, to me, symbolizes the negativity and the power that I give to the destructive side of my personality. My personal demons keep me locked up and fearful. The demon may be fear itself. This dream was liberating because in it I was assertive and took control of my freedom. I took away the demon's ability to rule. As I accept my own freedom, I assume more and more responsibility for my own life. I can not blame anyone for "holding me down", and I do have the power inside of me to create whatever reality I want in my life.

Hospital dream -- 2/22/98

I was walking with familiar people, but I did not know their names. I asked where we were going, but they didn't answer. They led me into a very large hospital room, with six or eight beds in it.
The room was beautiful. The beds were empty, but neatly made with white linens. I remember the beds being very inviting. As though they would be a perfect place to rest and get some energy. The room was all white and full of light. The only color in the room was on the ceiling, which had a wide green design going through the middle. As I looked carefully at the ceiling, I realized that the green design was actually plant life, some type of a vine. I was not surprised that it was growing and that it seemed so healthy.

I was so impressed by this hospital room! After looking around some more, I realized that on each night table there was an exotic and very beautiful flower arrangement. I remember thinking, how happy the patients were going to be. This hospital room seemed like a perfect place to get healthy. I was so clean and un-cluttered, yet full of positive energy and life.
The next thing I know is that I was lying on the bed. A very nice nurse, a familiar but unrecognizable person, was standing over me. She covered me with the sheet and blanked and neatly folded it under my chin. She touch my forehead and told me that all was well, that I will be OK, and to rest.

Emotions in the dream:
I was uncomfortable when being led by my familiar companions. I didn't seem to have enough control.
When I first entered the hospital room I felt afraid. I wanted to object to being there, and was thinking "why am I here, I am not sick".
I felt amazement and joy when looking at the room.
I was happy and peaceful when I became the patient.
I felt loved in the dream.

Symbols to consider and look up in the dream dictionary:
hospital
flowers
bed
green
white
ceiling
numbers -- six and eight

My personal free associations to some of the symbols and content in the dream:
Hospitals always scare me.
I was hospitalized when I was four years old, and the memory is not a very pleasant one. Also, my mother spend some time in the hospital when I was six years old.
Lately I have been feeling run down and achy. Emotionally, I also have been feeling down, not positive enough, and low on energy.
Flowers always make me happy. I love to look at them and have them in my home. They are alive and they make me feel more alive.
Laying down on a comfortable, well made bed is relaxing, and it restores the soul.
To me green symbolizes growth and love. White represents innocence and the light of God.
Our larger family had eight members and now it has six.

What this dream means to me:
On physical and emotional levels I have been feeling less than perfect. In my dream, I was led into a place where I can rest and restore. On some levels this dream was wish fulfillment. The place was beautiful and all of my needs were going to be met. I didn't have to do anything. At first I objected, because it was difficult for me to let go of control and let others do things for me. I was afraid. The flowers in the room, and the light, were there to renew me and make me feel well. The number of beds in the dream may have represented those people that are very close to me. On some level, I probably feel that they also need restoration and renewal. This was a healing dream for me. I gave myself a very supportive and safe environment, one in which I could let my guard down and trust. This dream also had some spiritual meaning for me. It made me feel as though I was in heaven, and that the universe really loved me and supported me.

Visitors since October 24th, 1999 ...

Last updated: 5/26/2002

Copyright 1997 - 2002 © Dream Lover Incorporated
All Rights Reserved